Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I can count

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

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I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

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I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

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I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I can read

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

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I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I have a reading level above third grade

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

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I understand how hurricane paths work

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

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I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I actually pay taxes

Which one is better to guys, boobs or butt?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

Why do gun owners feel the need to defend themselves with deadly weapons? Can they not just talk things out like civilized people do?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

How do you trump Trump’s executive order to bring back plastic straws?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

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I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I see through liars

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have complete contempt for fakery

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions